​5 attempts and 10 Google Doc pages later... this is how many times it’s taken me to write something that even feels close to capturing how Parker’s birth impacted us that night, and forever.

Funny how sometimes life has to smack you in the face before you "get it". One day, I was operating reasonably fine and the next, I was in the midst of a tearful breakdown over having to restart my computer and lose my bookmarks for some unforeseen reason. It was as if I was running on fumes; adrenaline—whatever you want to call it. The "straw that broke the camel's back"—or whatever proverb you'd like to use. I was pushed over the edge and there was no clear path for bringing me back. Even after my husband came to my rescue and found my long-lost bookmarks in an annoyingly little amount of time, I still couldn't seem to pull myself together. Yes, this was much deeper than a computer mishap. It was as if the flood of built-up anger, helplessness and resentment of the last four months came rushing out all at once. Cathartic, really. And looking back on this, it was long overdue.

I'm excited to have some of my writing featured on the Milk Bliss blog! I've been a fan of Milk Bliss lactation cookies ever since I went back to work and found them stocked in our Mother's Room. They were the perfect little snack to get me through the day. The cookies contain galactagogues such as brewer's yeast. While more studies are needed to assess effects, the lack of downsides to trying these types of interventions is good enough for me. Insufficient milk supply is cited as a primary reason for early termination of breastfeeding, and I support any efforts that try to help moms in this arena! 

It is certainly no secret that pregnancy was a very difficult time in my life. It happened much more quickly than we anticipated, and while I do realize how much of a blessing it is that we did not struggle with infertility, in a much more minimal way, I struggled with the uncertainty, doubt and anxiety over every little detail. I did a lot of coping through online shopping, which is certainly not a healthy way to deal. However, I did manage to pick up a few things that helped me get through pregnancy a smidge easier.